5 Hurtful Truths About Establishing and Enforcing Healthy Boundaries 

You can't control the dynamics of a situation but you can choose whether or not you participate in them.


Establishing boundaries is for you, it’s for your personal health, wellness, and happiness. Enforcing boundaries you’ve established can impact the people around you differently.

It’s important to remember why you chose to establish your boundaries and how they help you reach your ultimate goal, of living an authentically happy life.

Realizing these truths will help you in moments of doubt. Push back on our boundaries can create doubt in ourselves. Knowing what’s coming will help you prepare to overcome that doubt and prepare your responses or reactions in advance.

5 Hurtful Truths About Establishing and Enforcing Healthy Boundaries 

  1. Enforcing them will be scary and it’s usually easier in the moment to acquiesce. But it will result in a reduced view of your own self-worth. Allowing yourself to be mistreated out loud communicates a message to your subconscious that you should be mistreated under certain circumstances. It’s important to be mindful of how our consciousness communicates with our subconscious. 

  2. Others may or may not accept your boundaries. You need to know what enforcing your boundaries looks like. Decide in advance how you’re going to approach a situation, boundaries first. If something is in violation of your boundaries, rather than compromise on them, prepare for a potential sacrifice. 

  3. People may attack your boundaries. In my experience, people generally attack boundaries out of self-preservation or self-defense. Enforcing our own boundaries can sometimes feel like an exertion of force to others. People sometimes react to this as if they are being attacked and thus, they attack back. Play out the potential scenarios and determine how you will either respond or withdraw. 

  4. You’re going to be faced with very difficult choices regarding your boundaries. Sometimes it will result in the loss of a job, a relationship, or an opportunity. Self-worth is an investment, it’s not a get-rich-quick scheme. It takes time and patience. Allowed violations of boundaries are destructive to your self-worth investment.

  5. You’re not going to be congratulated for pursuing your own highest quality of life. Other people will not validate your boundaries because self-worth is about self-pursuit. Some aspects of self-worth are found in how others reflect back to us who we are, some aspects are solely internal and self-constituted. There is no one who cares more about the internal workings of your self-worth than you. That’s an important point to remember and there’s nothing to be ashamed of, knowing that is loving yourself the way you deserve to be loved by yourself. 

Each of us is responsible for prioritizing our own selves.

Because we must prioritize, manage and maintain our self-worth, we can’t make the self-worth of others our first priority. Therefore, we can’t expect anyone else to make our self-worth their first priority.  

We are all our own biggest advocates and greatest communicators. Lean into those roles without guilt or shame. 

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