Do you control your thoughts or do your thoughts control you?

"Learn to select your thoughts the same way you select your clothes every day."

Photo by Yosuke Ota on Unsplash

Good morning!

Do you love that movie, Eat, Pray, Love? I love anything Julia Roberts honestly but that movie one of my favorites, specifically because I pull something different every time I watch.

That quote though, “Learn to select your thoughts the same way you select your clothes” has always been one of my favorites. Hearing it was the first time I was introduced to the idea that your thoughts were shaped and chosen and not actual messages from beyond. Mind blowing.

The Struggle—can you relate?

So recently I’ve been struggling to maintain a routine that works for me. I’ll share an excerpt from my journal that outlines my problem.

“I’m upset and frustrated. It’s like I don’t know how to steer my own ship. I stand at the controls and blank out. Fear takes over and all of a sudden my ship is on autopilot and my past is steering and my present is just a bystander.”

Does that make sense to you? Can you relate?

I’m hyper-sensitive and constantly feeling overwhelmed by my thoughts and feelings. The morning I wrote that journal entry, it was 5:30am, I was sitting in the living room, my family was asleep. I heard a noise I thought sounded like a call for help. So I walked over to the stairs and listened intently, turns out it was just my youngest daughter talking to herself. I instantly calmed down but the panic returned as quickly as it left. Now I was standing there wondering why my husband hadn’t woken up yet. Intrusive thoughts, for no good reason.

This is the pattern. I find a moment of calm and then the intrusive thoughts come rushing in. This pattern makes it nearly impossible to use my downtime for anything. It’s exhausting, the adrenaline wipes out my energy. I can’t remember anything I want to do, I get stuck in the moment hoping and praying that no catastrophe is coming to upend my life.

And what I’m realizing is, no matter how strong my resolve, no matter how intent I am on accomplishing something, my feelings overpower my commitment every time. For too long, I responded to this realization with force. Pushing myself to “try harder.” Convincing myself I just needed to work straight through any panic. I’d set reminders, write lists, ask my husband to hold me accountable. None of it worked.

The Change—join me?

Now I’ve decided to take a different approach. The pushing and forcing and shaming doesn’t work. Forcing myself to feel guilty over the development of my brain just doesn’t make sense. Trauma actually does result in an overactive amygdala and as much as I see my emotional access as a gift, I also realize how restrictive it can be.

What I need is to help myself through hyper-sensitivity. I need to practice re-routing my thoughts, feeling the panic both arise and subside, and staying present as I notice what’s happening. I’ve always worked so hard to escape my panic the moment I felt it. I would reach out to check my kids, my relationships, my bills. I’d frantically try to stabilize and control anything that could possibly become the tragedy that upends my life.

But this behavior just reinforces the pattern. I’ve spent too much time and energy on panic. And if I want to get anything done, I need to practice not getting swept up in every single wave. I need to practice standing still when the waves hit. That includes resisting the urge to check and control and also includes resisting the urge to distract myself. I want to work on selecting my thoughts.

And I won’t be able to start any new routines until I know how get ahold of myself. So that’s my first step, I will practice feeling my panic, noticing it coming, and try to be still. It may not work but I won’t be focusing on anything else. I won’t be trying to write, or record my podcast, I won’t be pitching, cleaning my house, or food-prepping.

I will prepare to have my basic needs met but as far as climbing a new mountain, that’s just not in the cards right now. And I’m ok with that.

»Inside the Membership (FREE 7-day Trial!) «

Join the membership to get access to this week’s Oracle Cards, offering inspiration and promoting spiritual connection. If you’re struggling with spiritual connection, I invite you especially to check this out. I’m a recovering atheist myself so I know it can sound like a bunch of bs. Join me and see for yourself how the universe sends us the message we need at exactly the right time.

PLUS!! You’ll find one of my favorite guided meditations, The Comet. I wrote this meditation to help define the experience between being your feelings and observing them. As I guide you into relaxation, you’ll wake as a comet on a journey, the comet begins to interact with the darkness, and then, the darkness begins to interact with the comet. It’s fun and relaxing, offering perspective around how we can remove ourselves from toxic thought patterns or overwhelming feelings. You can do it in the morning or at bed time.

You’ll also find journal prompts in the chat to go along with the cards and meditation for the week. I’d love to see you in there! Email me with any questions hello@themiddaylatte.com.

Have an amazing week, friend. Select your thoughts wisely. Give yourself a break. Be gentle, you work so hard. I mean that. I know maybe you’re not sticking to your routine, maybe you keep forgetting the thing you need to do, maybe you’re late for work every damn day, or can’t seem to get that project started no matter how many times you tell yourself, “tonight is the night!” It’s not your fault. You didn’t choose how your brain works, I didn’t either. But together, we’re gonna figure it out.

In warmth & growth,
Joscelyn Kate